Part 3 of a 3-part Series
Urge surfing gives us power. It gives us power because it makes us conscious. When we use Marlatt’s SOBER technique mentioned in Wednesday’s blog, we begin to see the automatic ways of thinking and behaviors that covertly control our lives and direct us. These bad habits eventually disappear when properly attended to. When we are conscious, we are disengaged from the auto pilot that gives us so much of our lives, and thus, no longer defined by our bad habits.
When we are not living a life on auto pilot, we can actually choose to live our lives consistent with what we say we are committed to. This is my definition of integrity: being exactly who you say you are and doing what you say you are committed to. The only way we can experience happiness and true satisfaction in life is to live in integrity.
“Choice implies consciousness–a high degree of consciousness. Without it, you have no choice. Choice begins the moment you disidentify from the mind and its conditioned patterns, the moment you become present.” ~Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now
I work with people every day who are almost completely unconscious in their lives. They go through tasks day to day, week to week, month to month, year to year feeling dissatisfied and unfulfilled. While we all have moments of joy and achievement, if we remain unconscious, those moments are few and far between. I have found that the key to feeling more joy and happiness in life is being present to the moment. The biggest thing that stops us from being present in the moment is our past. Our past is often the place where we were conditioned with the thought patterns that trigger our urges. These urges give us an auto pilot way of doing life that simply feeds our unconsciousness. Urge surfing it your first line of defense for this auto-pilot way of life.
Author Eckhart Tolle is one of the pre-eminent experts in the world on being present; being in the “now.” Marlatt’s work was all about how to get present to the now. Both experts identified that being present starts with surrendering to the moment. Whether it is an urge or an event, if you surrender to it and be with it, you can live a life that is directed by your commitments, not your feelings and urges. The result of a life lived inside of this kind of integrity is fulfillment, joy and true happiness.
“When you surrender to what is and so become fully present, the past ceases to have any power. You do not need it anymore. Presence is the key. The Now is the key.” ~Eckhart Tolle
I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer in 2007. As one would expect, it was a horrifying diagnosis that was followed by surgery, months of chemotherapy and awful drugs. Yet, as one would NOT expect, this was probably one of the most blessed times in my life. Three days after the diagnosis, I surrendered to it. Breast cancer was mine, there was no escape or point to resisting it. There was no way out; only through. I chose in that moment to embrace the diagnosis and make the “best” out of it. I decided to use the forced “bed rest” and down time as a cocooning time. I used it as a chance to reinvent myself, my business and my attitudes about life. I had fun with it: I got a pink mohawk before my hair fell out and stayed present to all of the support I was getting from family, friends and my community. I was not alone and I didn’t have to suffer through the disease. I loved myself and I loved the moment… I learned every lesson it could teach me with a heart full of gratitude. This was my lesson in surrender and this was, surprisingly, a very happy and joyful time in my life. Now, I can hardly remember the difficulty of it; I mostly remember the joy.
CALL TO ACTION: Take urge surfing to the next level. Where can you surrender to WHAT IS in your life and be with it? Where can you bring the power of conscious living to your every day life?
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