Last night, I sat with a childhood friend in Boston having a conversation that COULD HAVE changed a life, but it missed the mark. My friend and I were sitting in the kitchen with a group of her close friends (new acquaintances to me) talking deeply about my diagnosis of breast cancer last year and my experiences with hair loss, longevity threats and extended chemo. As we talked I noticed there was another conversation going on… a silent one made up of looks and energy and touching. It was happening between the 3 women and 1 man standing around me. I knew there was information I didn’t have. Later, when one of the women mentioned her father’s death from cancer, I thought that must have been it.
The pink elephant in the room
It wasn’t it. The conversation NOT BEING SAID was that one of the women had had a breast biopsy and was waiting to hear if she had cancer. She never uttered a word about it to me.
This is what I would call “the pink elephant in the room.” It’s the thing that is being said in silent, but really needs to be spoken out loud. It is the conversation, that when we let remain unsaid, eats us up inside and shuts down any opportunity for connection.
Human beings often sacrifice their fulfillment, passion and satisfaction for being “private.” Many people think that being independent and private shows strength. But instead, it shows fear, and it robs others of giving solace, comfort and support to you. It halts connection. It interrupts life.
Life always gives you what you need, whether you know it or not
Life will always give you what you need. We are constantly being presented with opportunities to grow and develop, but if we are not awake to those opportunities, we close them down. We shut out contribution and repudiate growth and we don’t even know that we’re doing it.
It is no coincidence that last night I was sitting in front of a woman who needed to know that cancer wouldn’t kill her. She is stronger than she knows, she can be invicible… but because no one outted the pink elephant, she went home wondering about the time bomb in her breast, worried about what it all might mean.
Life gives us what we need and what we need is connection. We are all connected, whether you like it or not. You can refuse those connections and miss many gifts, or you can crack yourself wide open, be vulnerable, and see the whole new world that presents itself.
The choice is always yours. What will it be for you?
Beth, I read this on Saturday and it was inspirational. I have had a pink elephant in one of my relationships for a long time, and I am not sure how to get it out of the room since it isn’t my elephant to carry.
I re-read it again today b/c I needed a ‘pick-me-up.’ Thanks for lifting me up as you always do.