This DECADE is over in just 3 months. Can you believe it? I saw a meme on Facebook and it hit me HARD. I’ve been struggling with my weight for as long as I can remember. My first realization that I was fat was in Mrs. Casey’s 3rd grade class at Parsons Elementary School in Decatur, Illinois. We were working on graphing and everyone had to put their weighs up on the chart. Not realizing how profound this experience would end up being for me, I skipped up and wrote my weight in. I don’t remember exactly WHAT I weighed, but after writing it in my square with a thick black marker I realized that it was easily 30 pounds more than everyone else. I was 3 digits, everyone else was 2. I was the FATTEST kid in my class and I felt overwhelming shame.
As the class left for recess, I asked my teacher to please take my name off; I felt humiliated and embarrassed. She assured me she would do it, and I left for the playground thinking that I had just dodged a bullet. At least no one had seen it.
When we arrived in our classroom the next morning, all of our weights were displayed in a bar chart at the front of the room. Mine was, of course, the tallest, and EVERYONE NOTICED. My teacher had broken her promise to me and I was overwhelmed with shame.
At 8 years old, I realized I was fat. It was wrong, and I was different from everyone else. And so started my weight loss journey, and decades of failing to impact it for an extended period of time.
I’ve spent over FOUR DECADES pushing against this beast and though I’m down over 80 pounds, I’m still struggling to keep the grip of overeating from consuming me. I know, it’s a journey. But I’m tired.
Can you imagine what my life might have been had I succeeded to win my battle in elementary school? I might be a completely different person. Now, I share all this with you because it’s real and it’s raw. It is my truth, and what I am finding on the path to health is that I have a weak relationship with reality and, therefore, I don’t let myself feel emotions like sadness, frustration and despair for very long. In order to win a battle, you have to take a long hard look at the consequences of your choices. If you can really embrace what you have lost, and what your choice is literally COSTING you, you will have more strength to defeat it.
It’s been over 40 years, but even when I’m sad, frustrated or stuck, I’m winning. It’s all perfect and I’m exactly where I need to be to kill this monster.
So, what is the lesson for you? DON’T WAIT. Don’t procrastinate self care and personal transformation. If something isn’t working in your life: LEAN IN NOW. Today. Right now… don’t let any more days disappear before you start being the person you are meant to be.
It’s the LAST THREE MONTHS OF THIS DECADE. How are YOU going to change yourself?
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